i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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