actually, I'm a sock model
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
