okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
