He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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