p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Randomize
