her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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