It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
