I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
