I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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