Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
