his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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