i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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