I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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