normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
