now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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