Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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