I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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