She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
