The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
