No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
