I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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