Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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