i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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