I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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