I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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