No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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