wanna go halves on a baby?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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