if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
