I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
