I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
