The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
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