Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
