wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
