She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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