Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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