I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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