We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Randomize
