Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
