What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
