Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
