Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
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