oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
