wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
