hotel room ftw
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
