Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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