Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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