Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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