god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
