I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
