the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
