Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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