I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
