i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
