Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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